Key points explained in the book...
(Techniques in handling people)
- Don't criticise, condemn or complain.
- Give honest and sincere appreciation.
- Arouse in the other person an eager want.
(Six ways to make people like you)
- Become genuinely interested in other people.
- Smile.
- Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
- Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
- Make the other feel important - and do it sincerely.
(How to win people to your way of thinking)
- The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, 'You're wrong.'
- If your wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
- Begin in a friendly way.
- Get the other person saying 'yes, yes' immediately.
- Let the other person do a great deal of talking.
- Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
- Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
- Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
- Appeal to the nobler motives.
- Dramatise your ideas.
- Throw down a challenge.
(Be a leader: How to change people without giving offence or arousing resentment)
- Beging with praise and honest appreciation.
- Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
- Talk about your own mistakes before criticising the other person.
- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
- Let the other person save face.
- Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be 'hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.'
- Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
- Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
- Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Highlights i made from this book:
- 'If you teach a man anything, he will never learn.' - Bernard Shaw
- 'Flattery is telling the other person precisely what he thinks about himself.'
- When we are not engaged in thinking about some definite problem, we usually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about ourselves. Now, if we stop thinking about ourselves for a while and begin to think of the other person's good points, we won't have to resort to flattery so cheap and false that it can be spotted almost before it is out of the mouth.
- One of the first lessons a politician learns is this: 'To recall a voter's name is statesmanship, To forget it is oblivion.' And the ability to remember names is almost as important in business and social contacts as it is in politics.
- So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested.
- Little phrases such as 'I'm sorry to trouble you,' 'Would you be so kind as to - ?' 'Won't you please?' 'Would you mind?' 'Thank you' - Little courtesies like these oil the cogs of the monotonous grind of everyday life - and incidentally, they are the hallmark of good breeding.
- 'Men must be taught as if you taught them not
And things unknown proposed as things forgot.' - Alexander Pope.
- 'You cannot teach a man anything.
You can only help him to find it within himself' - Galileo 'Over three hundred years ago.
- 'Be wiser than other people if you can,
but do not tell them so.' - Lord Chesterfield
- 'One thing only i know, and that
is that i know nothing.' - Socrates
- 'I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person's office for two hours before an interview,' said Dean Donham of the Harvard business school, 'than step into that office without a perfectly clear idea of what i was going to say and what that person - from my knowledge of his or her interests and motives - was likely to answer.'
- 'I don't blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If i were you i would undoubtedly feel just as you do.'
- In this case, Johnnie might feel encouraged until he heard the word 'but.' He might then question the sincerity of the original praise. To him, the praise seemed only to be a contrived lead-in to a critical inference of failure. Credibility would be strained, and we probably would not achieve our objectives of changing Johnnie's attitude toward his studies.
This could be easily overcome by changing the word 'but' to 'and.' 'We're really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term, AND by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others.'
What I've Learnt From This Book:
- Many useful things, i'd recommend reading this book more than once.
- Simply referring to someone using their first name can break down barriers and massively change a conversation. This i've also heard once before in a TV programme 'Don't get done get Dom' when haggling for a price, a tip he gives is get the sellers name ASAP and then constantly refer to him and get the conversation and negotiation more on a friendly basis rather than professional one.
- I'm not proud of this myself, but one point that struck a nerve for me. When talking about about someone who isn't present in the conversation... stand up for them rather than slag them off. This shows the person your talking to you are trustworthy and by standing up and not talking about someone who isn't there shows them that you probably wouldn't slag or talk behind their backs either! This is a great point that i need to adapt too.
- Simply referring to someone using their first name can break down barriers and massively change a conversation. This i've also heard once before in a TV programme 'Don't get done get Dom' when haggling for a price, a tip he gives is get the sellers name ASAP and then constantly refer to him and get the conversation and negotiation more on a friendly basis rather than professional one.
- I'm not proud of this myself, but one point that struck a nerve for me. When talking about about someone who isn't present in the conversation... stand up for them rather than slag them off. This shows the person your talking to you are trustworthy and by standing up and not talking about someone who isn't there shows them that you probably wouldn't slag or talk behind their backs either! This is a great point that i need to adapt too.
- Another good point i learnt, is you already know what you know! So when mixing with people listen and take in more knowldge from them, instead of telling them what you know. As this isn't doing any benefit from bigging up your ego unless of course they ask you or your opinion.
Someone said, you have two ears and one mouth! LISTEN MORE SPEAK LESS
You can never stop learning and you will never know everything! so i shall be taking on the mantra LISTEN MORE SPEAK LESS.
No comments:
Post a Comment